its not goodbye...

Well, I've come to the end of my time here in Choma.  What an amazing three months it has been.  Today we started our debriefing process and let me tell you -- WOW!  I can't believe how much I have experienced and learned over these last three months.  I won't get into all that right now because I actually need to go pack my bag to head to Livingstone tomorrow morning bright and early.  Yesterday, a few of us students were given the opportunity to go back to Macha Mission Hospital where we spent three weeks doing clinicals just under a month ago.  We had to go there to do presentations for my leadership in nursing course that we are finishing up.  The presentation went better than I could have ever expected.  While we were driving there, I spent the hour long drive looking out the window listening to Jesus Culture's Come Away album.  If you have never heard Jesus Culture or this CD, I cannot even begin to tell you how awesome this album is.  It has probably been my most played album during my time here.  I got stuck on the song "Show Me Your Glory."  These are some of the lyrics that have been ministering to me the last 24 hours.  

I long to look on the face of the One that I love
Long to stay in your presence, it's where I belong

Show me Your glory.

I have listened to this song pretty much on repeat the last 24 hours.  It has been where I've found the Lord.  On the ride to Macha, I was just so overwhelmed by the faithfulness the Lord has shown to me over these past few months on this adventure.  I cannot even begin to describe all He has done but I will say that I have been broken down and truly feel that I have become less and He has become so much greater.  I looked out the Land Cruiser window and looked at the expansion of God's creation and began to grasp a little better how BIG the God I serve is.  It is so amazing to catch even a small sliver of His majesty.  

Today was our "goodbye" day which has been SO difficult.  We went to the orpahanage and I spent most of the afternoon playing with the children, spinning them around and having a dance party.  It has been an absolutely amazing thing to connect with these children and I cannot wait to see how the Lord uses these connections and special moments in my life. 

Nebert & Dickson - Twin Brothers!

Yvonne

me holding Selena

fully surrendered

What does it look like to be fully surrendered to the Lord?  I have been grappling with this exact question for the last few weeks.  Before I left for the trip, I thought that I would have such amazing mountaintop experiences with God throughout the entire trip.  I was a little discouraged when not much was changing in my spiritual walk after we first arrived in Zambia.  I kind of was wishing that God would suddenly give me this deep desire to spend time with Him daily the moment I got here -- you know, come to another country to serve the Lord and boom...you all of a sudden have the intense desire to CONSTANTLY be in His presence, right?  Well, I'm a testament to the fact that this isn't true and doesn't happen all the time.  In the last month, the Lord has begun to challenge me in specific areas that I haven't been challenged in before.  This has been a little difficult to walk through when I am supposed to be having the time of my life in Zambia.  Instead, I have been challenged to reevaluate where my confidence lies.  Do I find my identity in the Lord or through my own confidence of academic knowledge, clinical skill, or just my personal confidence in general knowledge.  


Through this process, I question how to fully surrender to the Lord.  I am not sure I fully understand this principle and I do not feel that I have the ability at this time to fully surrender this area of my life to the Lord.  I am praying through this because I do not want this change to strictly be a mountaintop experience, but instead, I want there to be a permanent change.  


This afternoon, I went to the orphanage down the road from our home.  I cannot even begin to describe how awesome it is to walk through a gate and instantly be showered with unfailing love from these beautiful children.  In the case of the orphanage I frequently go to, I walk in and within 20 seconds I have a child who has sprinted and jumped into my arms and doesn't get down until I leave to go back to our guest house.  This makes me think of what it would like if I fully surrendered to the Lord.  At any moment, I can run with reckless abandonment into my Heavenly Father's arms and He will show me unconditional and unfailing love.  If I can put aside my own thoughts and issues, I can give the Lord full control of my heart.  I continue to seek out this new growing opportunity that is welcomed but also painful to walk through as I become less and He becomes greater!

conflicting thoughts

In this life I will stand through my joy and my pain.  Knowing there's a greater day, there's a Hope that never fails.  When Your name is lifted high, and forever praises rise. For the glory of Your name, I'm believing for the day.  When the wars and violence cease, all creation lives in peace.  
May the songs of heaven rise to You alone. 

No weeping, no hurt or pain, no suffering...You hold me now, You hold me now.  

No darkness, no sick or lame, no hiding...You hold me now. You hold me now.

for eternity, all my heart will give, all the glory to Your name

for eternity, all my heart will give, all the glory to Your name

|| You Hold Me Now : Hillsong United ||

I would like to ask you what good is an easy walk?  What does it mean to be content in every circumstance?  In Philippians 4:12, Paul poses this same question: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." I can honestly say, I still don't know what it feels like to be content in every situation.  This has been a frustrating but growing experience.  I am learning this concept not only in my professional life as a soon-to-be nurse, but also in my personal life, which I can tell you is not easy.  What does it look like to be content when a patient dies whom I am taking care of...and the knowledge, skills, and resources weren't enough to save her life?  What does it mean to be content with situations that are out of your control?  How can my actions, thoughts, and responses line up the Lord's heart in these situations I find myself in? 


These are just a few questions that have been rumbling around in my head.  I have had some awesome experiences these last two and a half weeks!  The team traveled to Zimba Mission Hospital about a week and a half ago where we had clinicals for 3 days.  I was able to work in the outpatient department, the pediatric ward and maternity ward, and one day I was given the opportunity to observe many surgeries and even scrub in on one!  That was a highlight of this whole Zambia experience.  I just have to say that some of the Zambian doctors that we have worked with are absolutely brilliant, resourceful, and practice with excellence in every facet of their care.  

We started working in Choma General Hospital last week Tuesday.  This is a completely new type experience than what we have had up to this point.  Prior to this, we have been working in mission hospitals alone, but now we are working in a government hospital.  What is interesting about Zambian healthcare is that all the hospitals are supported by the government either 100% or almost 100%.  All supplies, staffing, and programs are supported through the government.  So when the supplies are out for the month, the hospital doesn't receive any more until the government chooses.  It has been really great working in a different type of environment.  There are the normal wards that are in pretty much every other hospital but there is three additional areas: psychiatric ward, physical therapy, and a dental clinic.  

I have worked in many of the wards over the last two weeks and as my clinical experience in Zambia came to a close today, I had very conflicting emotions.  I sat on the curb outside of the hospital after I had just witnessed the death of a patient I had taken care of yesterday having so many thoughts run through my head.  Missions hold a big pull on my heart...I'm not sure in what capacity yet, and I am completely trusting in the Lord that He will direct me in this area of my life.  With this in mind, I sat there today, looking at the entrance to a place of joy, sorrow, and everything in between.  I kept thinking, If the Lord calls me to staying overseas long term and being a part of healthcare in another country, am I really strong enough? Do I have the skills, the understanding, the abilities to work in healthcare where there are not enough resources or answers for the questions?  The answer to these questions came quickly -- a resounding no.  I wasn't surprised by this answer because this is something the Lord has been stirring in my heart since I arrived here in Zambia.  I am not strong enough, I do not have the skill set required, I do not hold the answers to the medical mysteries that we have been facing each and every day while in the hospitals...the only One who holds these answers is the Sovereign, Lord God Almighty.  I do not think I have ever believed this more than I do today. 

I was in the female ward when I heard the debilitating mourning wails of a woman who had just lost her sister to bacterial meningitis secondary to final stage HIV/AIDS.  In the Bible, when it takes about "mourn with those who mourn"--I have never understand that quite as well as I do now.  I am thankful for these small but incredibly significant lessons I am learning and yet I continue to come back to the questions of what else should I have done?  What could have been done to save this young 27-year-old woman?  As I said at the beginning of this post, what does it really mean to be content in every circumstance?  Why do we expect that it is our right to have a "good walk"?  The Lord has brought up some tough things in my own heart to get rid of and to replace with Him in these past few weeks and its not easy.  But why do I think I deserve an easy walk? 

I want to learn what it is to live in contentment.  To know that the Author and Sustainer of my life is in control. I am challenged to think about what it really means to understand the sovereignty of God.  Here in Zambia this hasn't been an option not to.  It isn't an option to live each day without remembering the sovereignty of God.  I would probably have had a breakdown by this point in time without being reminded of God's hand in everything that I have seen and experienced over these last three months.  I am reminded each time I don't know something in regards to patient care or better solution to the problem the client has other than the Lord is control and I can't heal their body by my strength.  I don't hold the medicine to save them -- only God does, and that is strictly through the blood of Jesus Christ.

Jesus loves me this I know...

Wow has it been a long time since I've updated!  Sorry for the lack of updates lately.  Life has become a little crazy the last week and a half but I have finally find a moment to type up an update. Currently, I am sitting in our classroom in Choma...just finished up some homework for the day and about to head to bed to prepare for another adventure on the horizon.  Tomorrow afternoon we will head to Zimba where we will enter another hospital new to us.  We will be in Zimba from tomorrow evening through Sunday afternoon.  During this time we will be going to the hospital each day for clinicals and then visiting an orphanage in Namwianga.  This orphanage is home to children under 5 years old and from what I hear it is quite an amazing place.  But before I get ahead of myself, I probably should tell you about what the last week has held.


Last week Sunday (October 16) our team traveled to Macha where to stay for a week and work intensively in the hospital.  Macha is about an hour ride from Choma which we had been making 3 days a week for 2 weeks previous to this trip so we kind of knew what to expect and had our bearings in the hospital and with the staff.  I believe I kind of told what this hospital was like in my last post, but if not, the hospital is quite a wonderful place.  It has a men's, women's, tuberculosis, AIDS clinic, Maternal-Child clinic, pediatric and maternity ward, and an outpatient clinic.  The time spent in Macha Mission Hospital was one of trials and joys rolled into one exhausting and rewarding week.  You might be thinking to yourself, how can one week bring all of this choas of emotion, and I sit here today and wonder the same thing myself but somehow I sat on the bus on this past Friday and was so overwhelmed by what I had experienced that I didn't quite know how to describe it in a blog post which is why it has taken me so long to write this.  I would like to share a few stories with you about my time in Macha...some are joyful and some are difficult.


One of my most memorable moment in the hospital has been with my favorite little three year old boy who lies in a bed with his legs strung up in traction—Coasta.  When I first arrived on the pediatric ward at Macha Mission Hospital, I had no idea what to expect but it was as if the Lord pulled me right to Coasta’s bedside.  His little eyes held a depth unlike I have ever seen before.  One could tell that even in his three years of life, he has experienced more than most.  As I began playing little games and giving high fives, I began connecting with him which I was so thankful for because of the communication barrier that is present here in Zambia.  When I first met him, he was not put in traction yet.  He had sustained a femur fracture caused from being in a plow accident at home.  While I was on the ward that day, the physical therapist came and placed him in traction and I was able to assist.  I did not even get to do very much with Coasta as far as nursing care but I did my best to visit him every day we were at Macha Mission Hospital.  What was so neat that over the course of the next 2 1/2 weeks in Macha, I was able to visit Coasta each and every day...I made a point of it.  Some days, he would recognize me and be all giggles and smiles, and some days he would cry the second he saw me--you know, if I was a little three year old laying in a bed unable to move around whenever I wanted and a giant white person came and towered over my bed, I'd probably cry too.  But none-the-less, the Lord blessed me with a beautiful relationship that was formed in such a short period of time and I miss seeing him and visiting him so much...more than I would have guessed.  I'd like you to meet Coasta...this beautiful little one that captured my heart is pictured below. 

 Another thing that touched me deeply at Macha was the opportunity to work a night shift on the pediatric unit.  I worked with my dear friend Kathryn. I have been incredibly close friends with her since our first semester of nursing school so if there was anyone who I would've wanted around during this difficult night, it was her. As we assisted the nurse (who was an amazing servant leader to say the least) passing medications and performing all of the assessments on all of the beautiful but painfully sick children, we came across Ocline, a 2 year old little girl who had burns over approximately 40% of her body.  Burns are something that are very common and common health concern seen often in Macha Mission Hospital.  I had heard from many of the students about their experience with having to perform and assist with wound debrieding and how challenging this was because pain is not treated at all the way it is treated in the States.  If a child at home was burned over 40% of his/her body they would be put under general anesthesia in order to tolerate wound debriedment but here, that is not an option because Macha doesn't have the resources or the staffing to do such things.  So as Kathryn went into Ocline's room and took off her blankets, this beautiful child created by the Sovereign God laid under a metal cage (to hold the blankets up off of the skin but allow her to stay warm) looking up at me with eyes that were afraid and uncertain of what was about to come.  I was not there to cause any more pain but just to check her status as far as her heart rate and respirations.  It is one of the worst things in the world to walk into a child's room who I knew was in an incredible amount of pain and discomfort and also knew that I had absolutely nothing to give her.  Nothing that I could give to provide relief.  In that moment it took every fiber of my being to be strong enough not to break down weeping, knowing how little a chance of survival she had but knowing without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord is still Sovereign.  As I put my stethoscope on her little chest the only thing going through my mind was a song that my mom used to sing to me when I was little -- Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me...the Bible tells me so.  As I finished assessing her, I began singing these words over her trying with everything within me to believe the words I was singing.  It was a holy moment unlike I have ever experienced before.  I was so thankful for these words from the Lord because I had nothing to offer in that moment but the sweet words found in this children's song.  I will continue to believe the words of this song as I finish out this journey and I am eternally grateful for the way the Lord has broken my heart for the things that break His.  

Not every part of the week was this challenging -- many members of our team delivered babies, scrubbed in on surgeries, and had other great experiences.  I assisted in two deliveries and after one of them I was given the blessed opportunity to weigh a brand new baby, assess the baby, and welcome him to the world.  This was such a special moment--there is nothing like brand new life and it is an experience I will probably not forget as I wrapped him in a blanket and welcomed him into the world, praying over him that the Lord would bless his life and bring him to the throne of the Most High.  

I am so thankful for the opportunities to learn more about nursing and continuing to see how the Lord has truly called me into nursing.  I cannot begin to describe how at home I feel in my role as a nurse.  I love the joys and the sorrows found within health care and how the Lord intersects each of these in the way only He can.  

Maternal/Child Clinic

maternal/child clinic

A twin who was born almost a month early

4 nursing students -- doesn't matter if you're Zambian or American...clinicals are always fun!

the humble abode

Welcome to our humble abode here in Choma! We have been here for approximately a month now even though we travel frequently to different places.  This has been a pretty great place to live.  I wouldn't necessarily ever choose to live with 10 girls in 1 big bedroom again in my life for 3 months but I will say it has been a time to help me learn patience as well as learn to be super thankful for the body of believers I have found in my teammates.  I used to think I wished I had a ton of sisters to share my bedroom with and stuff like my brothers always did when we were younger but I think I retract that thought.  Living with this many people isn't exactly my favorite thing to do.  We each get one bunk bed set -- my dress is the bottom bunk of my bed and my "bedroom" is the top bunk which feels kind of like a room because of the ever imposing mosquito net.  

I figured we've been living here long enough maybe you would like to see what my home away from home looks like :).

Below is the wonderful 10 person room -- we have a bathroom connected to our room which provides enough space for all of us to get ready in the mornings.  There is also a closet area where we hold a lot of our personal stuff. 

Below is our foyer area.  It serves many purposes as most things do here in Zambia...the Guest House director's office, a study room, skype location, work out room..pretty much anything you can think of.

This is our living room/dining room.  

Dining room on the other side of the couches.

Well below is the interesting kitchen here at the Guest House.  What most of you wouldn't want to know is that we've had to go in and clean often after the staff leaves so that cockroaches do not infest EVERYTHING in the kitchen.  I choose to go in there as little as possible because there are always cockroaches, ants, and other unfriendly critters roaming around on the counters, in the drawers, and nowhere else I'd want to look.  But during the daytime its not as scary.  This picture was taking on the night of our Pizza Party for the staff.  We made homemade pizza and invited the staff over to enjoy a night being served instead of always serving.

This is the World Hope Guest House where we sleep, eat, and hang out!  We spend a lot of time out on the veranda most days.  It is a beautiful location with lots of landscaping.

This is the administration building where all of the World Hope staff has offices and where we take our classes.  It is so nice to not have to sit through classes in the scorching heat because our classroom is air conditioned!  It's the little things!! 

This is the road when you turn out to the left out of the compound.  About a quarter mile down there is tarmac.  Most of us go on runs about 5 days a week so we run this route alot!

This is the view from the road towards our compound.  The white concrete wall in the back left corner of this photo is the fence to our compound.

That is all for now.  I've had quite a week at Macha Hospital on Monday and today but I plan to write another post about it tomorrow.  Lots of tough stuff to see but I am reminded that God is sovereign and He hold's each child, man, woman in the palm of His hand. 


~Dana

the last 7 days

Well this week was again quite busy with classes and trips out into the community.  The first great thing is that most team members are finally starting to feel well again after last's week sickness attacks.  We were able to get out into the community on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.  On Wednesday, we went to see what traditional daily life is like a village.  We met Reverend David and his family as well as two other families that live in community together.  David is pastor of a Wesleyan Church in the village about 45 minutes outside of Choma. I provided some maps of Zambia above so that you can see a little bit of where we've been.  I couldn't find any maps with more detail of places we've been but I tried my best.  So after we arrived in the village outside of Choma we were given a wonderful tour of David's land and his garden.  We took probably a 10 minute walk from where their home was to where their garden was.  David has been incredibly smart -- during the rainy season he figured out a way to dam the rain water that was made a river near his home so that he would have a water supply for the rest of the year to sustain his garden.  We were able to help water the garden which required us to get into the pond and get on this contraption that I thought was just like a stair step machine...it was so much fun to learn how the Zambians live their daily lives.  After time spent in the garden we went back to their home area and learned how to pound maize (corn) into mealy meal which is what the Zambian's use to make nshima.

pumping water to the garden

making mealy meal

making mealy meal

Later in the week we went to a village to see their Home Based Care and Orphan and Vulnerable Children program that World Hope sponsors.  We saw their poultry house that houses 300 chickens which supports the OVC program.  We met with a caregiver who has been taking care of an orphan for just over 6 years.  They were a beautiful family who shared so much with us.

the poultry project

the OVC family we visited with

This week starts a new adventure.  Yesterday morning we woke up bright and early (had to be ready by 6:30am) to leave to go to Macha Mission Hospital.  We will be spending Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for this week and next week as well as the following entire week in Macha. This is the hospital where Johns Hopkins University Hospital sponsors a Malaria Research Institute.  We toured the research institute as well as the school of nursing connected to the hospital and the hospital.  The hospital is actually pretty large.  There is a men’s & women’s ward, pediatric ward, maternal ward, ART (anti-retroviral treatment for HIV/AIDS) clinic, and a TB ward.  There is also a radiography suite and an outpatient clinic with a TB clinic connected to it.  It was a pretty crazy day.  The entire morning we pretty much toured everything and then in the afternoon we spent about an hour on the wards.  I was on the maternal ward.  We assisted the nurses in taking vital signs of any mothers that were ante-partum or who had had C-sections.  I have learned how to assess a mother if they are pregnant and find out how many weeks they are by the height of their fundus.  I can also now figure out the presenting parts and where the head and back are located within the stomach, and the most exciting thing, is I learned how to listen for the fetal heart rate by using a fetoscope (the OLD style of assessing fetal heart rates)—then the Macha Hospital also has a Doppler to find heart rates of the babies if they can’t find it with the fetoscope.  I was kind of freaking out yesterday because while taking vitals and assessing the mothers I wasn’t able to find the heart rate of one of the fetus’ and so I asked the nurse to check herself, then she couldn’t find it.  After what seemed like forever (really probably only a minute or so) we were able to find the baby’s heart rate.  So needless to say, it was quite an interesting and eventful day!

Macha Mission Hospital

One final thing -- hopefully none of you are too bored -- this past weekend it was Christine and my weekend to plan something fun for our team to do on Saturday night.  We planned a game night extravaganza.  It turned out great and we had so much fun!!

   that is all for now. hopefully i'll update more often so you don't have to be bombarded with tons of stuff to read and lots of pictures to look at.  one last thing...we had the first Zambian rain here today!  It was beautiful!!

out and about in Choma

The team back in the States

Over the course of the last 2 weeks, I have been bombarded by so many emotions and experiences that is no wonder I sit here today feeling quite tired and in need of some R&R.  This past week we have been in classes for the majority of the week.  I have spent many hours reading books, articles and participating in discussions this week that have shook me to my core.  We have been talking about foreign aid—what good is it doing, what needs to be improved upon, and what our role as Christians is in the aid that is given.  

On Thursday, we went out to the community…this was such a treat because we had been on lock down in the World Hope compound because of the elections that went on this week (just for everyone’s information, everything has been peaceful in the area that we are in right now and our contact people here in Zambia feel we are safe to go outside of the compound now).  We first went to a school in a rural community called Sianyinda where we participated in assisting the school children who are sponsored by families in the United States write letters to their sponsors.  It is an unbelievable process in that there is 1 man who is responsible to meet with just under 1,000 children every 2 months to write letters to their sponsors…the thing is that most of these children do not know how to read or write English well even when they are 13 years old and older.  The school that we went to has over 500 students with only 10 teachers which leaves the teacher to student ratio at about 1:70.  As you can imagine this doesn't exact create the best learning environment.  Nonetheless, we were able to assist about 30 students to write letters to their sponsors.  After enjoying some time playing soccer and other games with the kids after we finished our projects we loaded up in the Land Cruisers and went to the Sianyinda Community Trust.  A community trust is a program that was begun by World Hope to help develop this community.  It involves HBC (home-based care) which consists of caregivers who visit and help those who are unable to take care of themselves--mostly HIV/AIDS patients, but also those who have diseases that causes them to be stuck in their homes unable to receive other forms of health care.  Another aspect of this program is the OVC program -- orphans & vulnerable children program -- the community uses its strengths, providing for one another and working towards a common goal, to be take in children who are left orphans due to HIV/AIDS, as well as those who are vulnerable to become orphans because of HIV/AIDS to live in homes together within the community.  We also were able to see one of the local wells which was put in by World Hope and is to be maintained by the community.  World Hope's goal in these program initiatives is to have the community depend upon itself instead of constantly having to depend on outside donors. 

Mercy and me working on her sponsor letter

Chielo's letter

One of my team members and a young woman as we head out to see the local well.

Sianyinda community well

On Friday we were able to go to the Children's Nest Orphanage homes which conveniently, one of the homes is just over a block away from our compound so I plan to spend a lot of time. 

children from "The Blue House" -- 1 of the houses in the Children's Nest Orphanage homes

So, there's kind of a recap of the week we've had here in Choma.  Other than these fun events, we have been spending close to 5 hours a day in the classroom!  This week we should be getting outside of the compound a little more than last week.